A Love Worth Saving Read online

  ‘No. Brad, he was…’ but Ana’s words wilted as she felt Cara’s arm tighten around her.

  ‘It was definitely a step forward with him today, don’t you think?’ Gabby’s words were warm, and, as always, too perceptive for Ana’s comfort.

  ‘Yeah, it was.’

  ‘Don’t count your chickens, love. He still went running faster than you could say boo,’ Cara argued.

  ‘Yeah, but he was running from you, not Ana this time.’

  ‘That is true,’ Ana couldn’t help but laugh at the way Cara screwed up her face in disgust.

  ‘Whatever,’ and Cara flicked her hand to dismiss the claim. ‘Now, do you want us to dump these boxes on the way out?’

  Ana pulled out from under Cara’s arm, and looked between the two women in surprise. ‘Aren’t you guys staying? I thought we could grab some dinner, bust open that wine you brought over and celebrate the move.’

  ‘Oh, hun, sorry, but we can’t. That’s why we came over this afternoon. I’ve got another dinner with the in-laws,’ Gabby apologised.

  ‘And I’ve got a date with Levi,’ Cara added, unable to hide her excitement.

  ‘The guy you met last night?’ Ana checked, her eyes widening in disbelief. ‘Seriously?!’

  ‘I know. I didn’t think it would be anything more than a one night stand, either. But he rang me when we were on our way here and asked me out. You’re not upset, are you? I didn’t realise you would want company tonight.’

  ‘Yeah, we thought you would enjoy having the place to yourself,’ Gabby added, concerned eyes trained on Ana.

  Of course they did. Any normal person would.

  But Ana wasn’t normal.

  Instead of busting at the seams with excitement—both for herself and for her friends—all she felt was hollow and achy inside. It was almost as if a ping pong ball was rattling around inside her empty chest cavity.

  But she knew neither Gabby nor Cara would understand, so she plastered a smile on her face, hoping to hell it was a close imitation of her usual excited grin, and assured her friends she couldn’t wait to have the place to herself. It seemed to work, because within moments Gabby and Cara had gone, with hugs and promises to catch up at some stage next week.

  Closing the door after the final goodbyes, Ana sank against it and stared out at her home.

  The silence was deafening.

  Moving away from the door, Ana rubbed her hands up and down her arms, as though that in itself would fight off the fear and loneliness. It was stupid. She knew it was stupid. She’d been alone before. But she’d always been in someone else’s house. There’d always been the expectation someone might come home. Now, there wasn’t.

  Ana dropped down and stretched out on her beloved sofa, one arm wrapped around her belly. No. Lying down didn’t seem to help.

  Reaching for the television remote, Ana switched it on, needing to break the stifling silence. She started flicking through the stations, looking for some form of distraction. But it was Saturday night and there was nothing on.

  No surprises there. Leaving the television playing in the background, Ana grabbed her phone off the coffee table in the centre of the room and opened Facebook. Boring. Boring. Boring. None of it would hold the attention of a gnat, let alone distract her enough for the bubbles in her tummy to settle.

  Wait, was that…a noise? Coming from the bedroom? Shivers running up and down her spine, her stomach a roiling mass of nerves, Ana jumped off the lounge and slowly crept towards the bedroom. Coming to a halt beside the door, she carefully peeked through the doorway.

  Her bed, her dresser, the wardrobe…everything was just as it should be. There were no shadows, no bodies. She pushed against the door, flattening it to the wall to make sure there was no one behind it. The door banged as it slammed into the wall—no one. Excellent.

  But did that mean she’d imagined the sound? Was she going from a little over-cautious to hallucination-crazy?

  Then she heard it again—a soft tap-tap-tap. It was louder than before. And it was definitely coming from this room.

  Her eyes scouring from wall to door to window, heart racing a million miles an hour, she finally found the source. It was the vertical blinds, banging against each other as a breeze drifted in through the window.

  Oh, thank goodness she’d found the source! She wasn’t going crazy, imagining a noise. It was completely innocent.

  No intruders.

  Relief coursing through her body, Ana raced over and slammed the window shut. Still pumped on adrenaline, she jogged back to the kitchenette to grab her keys and returned to lock the window. While she was at it, she locked the bathroom window and the doors leading onto the veranda.

  There. No one could get in now. She was safe.

  She dropped the keys onto the coffee table and collapsed back onto the lounge. She stared at the television again, flicked through a couple of channels, until she found something decent on.

  But the hollow, achy feeling in her stomach wouldn’t go away.

  After a few minutes she got up and paced around the room, pulling and pushing at her tummy, hoping somehow to make it go away.

  It was nerves, definitely nerves. But the apartment was locked. No one could get in. She had no reason to be nervous.

  And yet, the feeling would not leave.

  What she needed was a big old-fashioned hug, like the ones her mum gave her. When she’d been younger and scared her mum would wrap her in a warm embrace, her long arms folding around Ana’s little body like a protective shield. Ana remembered snuggling in tight against her mum’s neck whispering ‘love you’. Her mum would always answer ‘love you more’, and then everything would be okay. Always.

  But she couldn’t hug her mum now. She hadn’t felt the warmth of her embrace for eighteen long years. She’d had to make do without. Just like she had to make do tonight.

  Maybe a drink would settle her nerves. Cara had brought by a bottle of bubbly as a house-warming present. She could pop that and “celebrate” her new move.

  She wouldn’t be drinking for happiness, though, and she wasn’t quite settled on the idea of drinking alone to self-medicate her nerves. Oh, deep down she knew she’d been kind of doing that over the years with all her partying. But it was different. And she really didn’t want to start this phase of her life on such a downward spiral.

  But neither did she want to spend the rest of the night pacing, feeling as though she had ants crawling under her skin. Maybe if she had just one glass…

  Grabbing the bottle from the fridge, Ana set it on the kitchen bench and stared at it. Hmm. Just one glass. Just one might work. But then the bubbles would go flat and she would have wasted the entire bottle. Maybe she should drink it all. The first glass would settle her nerves; the rest would ensure she didn’t waste the bottle.

  She almost had herself convinced when the doorbell chimed, the noise so loud it sounded like Midday Church bells as it echoed through the apartment.

  Beyond startled, Ana’s arms flew out, knocking the bottle and sending it flying off the kitchen bench. Quick reflexes sent her diving after it, catching it just before it hit the floor.

  Oh, thank goodness!

  She sighed, setting the bottle to rights back on the bench and fluttering a hand against her chest as her heartbeat slowly returned to normal. Once she was a little calmer she turned towards the security screen to see who was causing all the ruckus in the first place.

  Dark-blond bangs fell forward across his forehead, the bursts of bright yellow setting off the hints of gold in the muddy green of his eyes. Brad.

  Excitement and disappointment waged a war inside her. She’d really, truly thought they’d started down a different path today, but if he was here now…

  There was only one reason Brad would be visiting her. It was why he always visited. Just the thought of it was enough to send curls of remembered pleasure through her body. And he wasn’t even inside her apartment yet. If she didn’t find some way to build a wall
around herself, she’d let him straight back in.

  She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t go backwards. So she mentally clamped down on her excitement as she depressed the intercom button.

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  Dammit. The words came out harsher than she intended.

  ‘I…ah…’ Brad looked down at his feet and she felt guilty for being so rude. After all, he’d spent most of the morning helping her move. And after what he’d said this morning…maybe they could make some progress tonight.

  ‘I thought you might need some company.’

  The softly spoken words were filled with his understanding, with his compassion, with his—Oh gawd, she could feel the first pinpricks at the backs of her eyes.

  She pushed against her eyeballs, trying to forcibly stop the tears. She was such a hopeless basket case! She hated that she needed him here. She absolutely hated being so weak. And yet she loved that he was here. That he knew she would need him without her saying a word.

  He had to love her. He had to.

  Brad cleared his throat, the rough, gravelly sound piercing through the turmoil of her thoughts. ‘So I…ah…brought dinner and movies,’ and he held up a white plastic bag of takeaway containers that was only slightly fuzzy through the blurriness of her tears and held up his other hand that had a stack of DVDs in it.

  ‘So are you going to let me up? Because this Peking duck isn’t getting any hotter out here.’

  Throat clogged with tears, the only answer Ana was able to give was to unlock the security door. She watched him disappear from view and then slumped against the wall, her face falling into her hands.

  How could he be wrong for her when he was so, so right for her?

  But he was wrong for her. He was. This little display. It was nice, but it didn’t change anything. He certainly hadn’t said anything to that effect. He could simply be here as a “friend”. In fact, that’s exactly what he had said.

  And yet here she was, tears dripping down her cheeks over what this act of friendship must secretly mean. Was she really that pathetic?

  Yes.

  But Brad didn’t need to know that.

  Wiping ineffectually at the tears in her eyes, Ana realised she had mere moments to fix herself up before he arrived. Racing into the bathroom, she switched on the lights and stared into the mirror. Smears of mascara circled her red-rimmed eyes. Ana quickly splashed water on her face, rubbing at the dark circles beneath. She wasn’t able to get it all, but at least it looked more like she’d stepped out of the shower than been sobbing her eyes out.

  Except…Ana looked down at the tank top she’d been wearing all day. Her vigorous water splashing had missed the mark a few times, and now the black fabric was literally moulded to her breasts.

  Not going to help matters.

  Tonight she needed an outfit that would solidify the newly-built friendship wall between them, not one that invited him to tear it down. And this top, even before it was all wet and mouldy, definitely fell into the latter category.

  What she needed was something more along the lines of…Perfect!

  Quickly changing, Ana was doing up the last button on her new top when there was a knock at the door.

  ‘Coming,’ she called out as she raced down the hallway, almost skidding to a stop when she reached the kitchenette. She threw one last sweeping glance around the living area to make sure no other embarrassing items were on display. Though considering what Brad had found earlier today, she couldn’t imagine anything else ever actually embarrassing her more. Content, she moved to the entrance and swung the door open.

  ‘Hiya,’ Ana flashed Brad a quick smile before focusing on the parcels in his hands. Food was much safer than that gorgeous gaze of his. ‘Ooh, that smells delicious,’ and it was true, the greasy sweet smell of fried Chinese food was already assailing her senses, causing all sorts of gurgling noises to start emanating from her tummy. ‘Oops, looks like I was hungrier than I realised,’ she laughed, patting her tummy, and risked a quick glance up at him.

  His eyes were running up and down her body, taking in every hideous inch of her navy blue and white striped flannelette pyjamas, and his lips quirked as though he was trying very hard not to laugh.

  ‘Can I give you a hand?’ she continued, ignoring his expression and automatically reaching for the bag of delicious goodies before stepping back into the apartment. ‘You know, Peking duck is my absolute favourite food,’ she tossed over her shoulder, assuming he was following. Okay, she was babbling. She knew she was babbling, and from the small smirk of a smile hanging around Brad’s lips, he knew it too.

  But she didn’t know how to stop.

  ‘If I ate it every night, though, I’d end up the size of a hippo, so I limit it to special occasions, or when someone turns up on my doorstep with it.’

  ‘That might be why I picked it.’

  ‘You remembered?’ She threw him an incredulous look. It had been years since they’d had Chinese takeout together. In fact, the last time she could remember they were teenagers. It had been the standard order when their families had dined together.

  ‘Some things never change,’ he said with a shrug, placing the DVDs on the kitchen counter, his gaze landing firmly on her backside. Or lack of backside, as these pants were so large and shapeless, surely he could only make out her body’s basic outline. His lips quirked into that smirk-like smile again and she just knew he was going to make some disparaging comment.

  ‘Don’t,’ Ana ordered, dumping the bag of food on the dining table, not needing to say anything more for him to get the message.

  ‘I’m not.’ Brad held up his hands in mock defence, though she could see the laughter in his eyes.

  ‘Good. Because it would be extremely rude for you to comment, and not the sort of thing a friend would do.’ She reached into the newly stacked cupboard and pulled out two white dinner plates, half-waiting for the comeback. When it didn’t arrive, she popped her head up to find him looking at her rather oddly. ‘What?’

  ‘Have I interrupted something?’

  ‘No. Why?’

  ‘The wine?’ He tilted his head towards the bottle sitting on the bench that Ana had forgotten about.

  Damn. Damn. Damn. It was too late now to stash it back in the fridge.

  ‘I was going to have a celebratory drink—’

  ‘On your own?’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with drinking on my own. Didn’t you hear? I’m Miss Independent now.’ She forced a bright smile to her face, but there was no hiding the truth from him.

  He stared at her for the longest moment, and she was certain he was going to pursue the topic further. But at the last second he backed down, forcing a smile of his own, though his eyes remained concerned.

  ‘Alright, well, let’s eat, then.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she murmured as she laid the plates on the table, and started unstacking the plastic containers filled with food. There was fried rice, spring rolls, Peking duck, what looked like satay chicken and…she wasn’t quite sure. She turned towards him, holding the dish up ready to ask him what it was, but his eyes had drifted back down to her pyjamas.

  Even with the shapeless material swamping her, she felt inordinately exposed under his gaze. The damned flannel wasn’t doing its job!

  ‘Oh, come on, Brad. Haven’t you ever seen PJs before?’

  ‘Not on you,’ he answered with a wink before taking a seat at the table.

  ‘Nice one. Have you got any more stored up there? Better get them all out now.’

  ‘No. No,’ he assured her laughingly as he reached for the fried rice. ‘Just, one thing, though,’ he paused, placing the fried rice container back on the table. ‘I can’t help feeling a little over-dressed in my jeans. Do you have a spare pair I could borrow?’

  ‘Haha.’ Ana flashed him a fiery look as she started loading her plate with the delicious feast. ‘But lucky for you, you won’t be sleeping over so you won’t need a set.’

&nbs
p; Brad froze mid laugh, and Ana realised the words had come out harsher than she’d intended.

  ‘I wasn’t expecting to,’ Brad said softly. ‘I thought we already covered that.’

  ‘I know. I just…’ but she couldn’t finish the sentence, because if she did, she’d have to admit that what she wanted more than anything was for him to stay the night. She wanted him to stay every night.

  Instead, she dropped her eyes and concentrated on the food already on her plate. ‘So, did you go and see Cam and Stacey?’

  Brad didn’t answer her right away. She could feel his eyes on her, watching, assessing, but she kept her gaze firmly planted on her plate until he answered her. When he did, it was as though there’d been no interruption to the smooth flow of their conversation.

  ‘Yeah, the twins have grown so much already.’

  ‘I bet. I remember how quickly Sean grew. Is still growing. So, do you have some new photos to show me?’

  ‘Well, I wouldn’t have to show you photos if you went over yourself.’

  ‘I know, but, I didn’t want to intrude. Not after turning up so randomly at the hospital.’

  Brad gave her that look and she conceded that maybe she was being too pedantic. In truth, she hadn’t wanted to accidentally run into Brad again. But maybe if she called first…

  Who was she kidding? They worked together now. They were friends. She didn’t need to avoid him. She just needed to keep reminding herself.

  Friend. Friend. He’s a friend.

  ‘Okay, so I’ll stop by soon.’

  ‘Good, because I think Stacey’s got something to give you.’

  ‘Ooh, really? What is it?’ Ana perked up at the news. She loved surprises.

  ‘I’m not going to tell you.’

  ‘Seriously? You’re going to make me wait?’

  ‘It’s not my place. Besides, it’s up to you how long you’ll be waiting.’

  ‘Maybe we should go over now?’

  ‘Now? In those PJs?’

  ‘Okay, maybe not. But I still think you’re being super mean,’ Ana mock-glared at him. She couldn’t hold the expression for long, though, before a smile burst through, and just like that, they slipped back into their natural state of being, chatting and eating until Ana was so full she could barely move.